Today I am not my self.........
i am angry
i am mad
i am frustrated
i am broke
i am lonely
i am afraid
i am tired
i am stuck in this dead end job
i am stressed out...everthing is bothering me
i just want to be left alone
this job is driving me crazy----working me like a dog and for nothing---i am so ready to quit----i have worked too hard to only get a .40 raise and i handle combined a 6 million dollar acct....but you only give me .40 raise---is that all i am worth.
i am ready to quit, then i will be broker than what i already am and then i might go postal
my friend is getting on my nerves, are there any real men out there?
i feel used, i feel neglected, i feel like i have just been played
my friends are not who they say they are---they are phony---i need to get the negativity out of my life right now.
i thought the music would help me but it is only making me sadder.
this is not a good day for me today
the baby is sick, the dr.s office will not open back up until 30th of april--that is ridiculous.
if this co-worker says one more thing........oh, i am gonna snap on her azz
everyone is getting on my nerves right now
blogging is not helping (breathe)
this is going to be a LONG day-----just everyone stay away from me!
i think she thinks i am playing-----oh, please keep your comments to yourself
i don't have to be bubbly today, i am bubbly every damn day---not today
Today's lesson..........
keep away from me until further notice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Monday, April 23, 2007
You
You walked me home from my first party
You gave me my first real kiss
You made me feel good but there was too a twist
You got me pregnant
You cried "please don't kill nothing don't let nothing die"
Then you said goodbye
Only to come back six years later
with tears in your eyes. I forgave you
we moved on and then a week later you were gone.
While you were gone,I matured, had two more, of course they weren't yours
We would see each other in passing but never said a word
Occasionally you would get caught asking, "how you and your man doing"
Fine I would reply, and think to myself I just told a bold face lie.
I smile as I have nothing left to say all because of how you walked away.
Time has gone by, and once again you have caught my eye.
Your eye, my eye--the eyes don't lie
You pursued me for months and I continued with the front
knowing that inside I wanted to try.
Finally you can't take no more
You pin me against the fridge door
Kissing me with all your passion
looking for my reaction
Nothing, is what I tell you
because love will always fail you
You and I eventually became friends
Strong friends, even sweet loving friends
but all things must come to an end.
When it is time to say goodbye just know
You where that special guy
We will kiss our last kiss
say our final farewells....
Goodbye to you ----This time forever is what I will say as we watch each other walk away.
You gave me my first real kiss
You made me feel good but there was too a twist
You got me pregnant
You cried "please don't kill nothing don't let nothing die"
Then you said goodbye
Only to come back six years later
with tears in your eyes. I forgave you
we moved on and then a week later you were gone.
While you were gone,I matured, had two more, of course they weren't yours
We would see each other in passing but never said a word
Occasionally you would get caught asking, "how you and your man doing"
Fine I would reply, and think to myself I just told a bold face lie.
I smile as I have nothing left to say all because of how you walked away.
Time has gone by, and once again you have caught my eye.
Your eye, my eye--the eyes don't lie
You pursued me for months and I continued with the front
knowing that inside I wanted to try.
Finally you can't take no more
You pin me against the fridge door
Kissing me with all your passion
looking for my reaction
Nothing, is what I tell you
because love will always fail you
You and I eventually became friends
Strong friends, even sweet loving friends
but all things must come to an end.
When it is time to say goodbye just know
You where that special guy
We will kiss our last kiss
say our final farewells....
Goodbye to you ----This time forever is what I will say as we watch each other walk away.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
When I get there....
I ask to speak to a Manager....they call her up, Holly a customer wants to speak with you. She is a damn ray of sunshine so it was really hard for me to be mean...I said "Hi on Saturday, I came in a purchased a 2 piece suit for my toddler and when I got home and opened it up there were no pants.
She says, We want to apologize because we have the pants here...she pulls out the pants...Now I am looking at her, like if you even think I am going to walk out of here with these pants after the fact it's going to be trouble....trouble...
I said well, Easter is over and I would like to have my money back...That's no problem, we were open Easter Sunday (the only store in the whole Mall) and we thought the person they belonged to would come back for them....She said "I was a little afraid of working tonight because I knew I would have an irate customer..
I said well if you would have caught me Saturday night I would have been that irate customer...I said I appreciate your friendly manner but Holly, I am very displeased. My holiday was ruined at the expense of your employee. I had plans that had to be cancelled such as Easter Pictures and attending morning service!
We truly understand your frustration, we will refund your money and we sincerely apologize.
Now, I am still pist but really what can I do, Easter is over....they took the suit back, refunded my money but a little part of me wanted more....Mind you the baby is looking at these Thomas the train DVDs and this spider-man book bag---Holly says, is this the little guys whose Easter was ruined---Yes, well let me have the two items he has...I gave them to her she wrung them up and credited them off---
Handed the baby the bag with the spider-man book bag and the Thomas The Train DVD...he was please...which pleased me.
Sears wasn't that bad after all (just check your suits!)
She says, We want to apologize because we have the pants here...she pulls out the pants...Now I am looking at her, like if you even think I am going to walk out of here with these pants after the fact it's going to be trouble....trouble...
I said well, Easter is over and I would like to have my money back...That's no problem, we were open Easter Sunday (the only store in the whole Mall) and we thought the person they belonged to would come back for them....She said "I was a little afraid of working tonight because I knew I would have an irate customer..
I said well if you would have caught me Saturday night I would have been that irate customer...I said I appreciate your friendly manner but Holly, I am very displeased. My holiday was ruined at the expense of your employee. I had plans that had to be cancelled such as Easter Pictures and attending morning service!
We truly understand your frustration, we will refund your money and we sincerely apologize.
Now, I am still pist but really what can I do, Easter is over....they took the suit back, refunded my money but a little part of me wanted more....Mind you the baby is looking at these Thomas the train DVDs and this spider-man book bag---Holly says, is this the little guys whose Easter was ruined---Yes, well let me have the two items he has...I gave them to her she wrung them up and credited them off---
Handed the baby the bag with the spider-man book bag and the Thomas The Train DVD...he was please...which pleased me.
Sears wasn't that bad after all (just check your suits!)
Monday, April 9, 2007
They better watch out!!!
Sears I am coming for you!!!
Here I am, Easter Shopping, in the Deptford Mall for my three children----Two boys and one girl....Ladies, you already know that when you are shopping with three of your own children and two of someone else's children...That is a disaster!!!!
I am in Sears trying on a suit jacket for my 2 year old son, he wanted to run and play and laugh and fall out---trust, I am not in the mood for that---I have been out shopping long enough and I am ready to go....When I notice, this lady, watching me and on her walkie-talkie saying something----now automatically, I thought this whench was talking about me...I said not today lady not today...She just looks
I put the suit jacket on the baby (a size 4 for a 2 year old) it fit because he is tall---the pants a little long. I put the pants back on the hanger, put the jacket back---give the suit to my mom so she can ring it up---yes, I was ghetto!!! My mom was in line (she was next) and I was last (the line was long)...
I saw the people looking and at this moment I was looking right back at them like say something---I want you to...
When my mom gets to the counter you can tell the lady had an attitude (because I jumped line sort of speak--but not really because we where together---honestly, I was dead wrong---I hate people who do that, oh well)....she actually unbuttons the suit jacket, take the pants off (of course she was checking to make sure that the pants were a size 4 as well as the jacket, us black people will change the suit jacket and pants up, quick) then she says there is no price on this, the baby starts running, I go after him, I said mom, the suits are right here, then I hear never mind, and the suit is wrapped up and we leave the store...
About 11:00 pm, NO it was exactly 11:00 pm Saturday night, I start to take the clothes out for Church...I take my daughter's 80.00 dress out(I think that was ridiculous but the dress was absolutely gorgeous) hung that up, take her shoes out, her stockings etc....take my oldest son's suit out and etc....I get to the baby's suit, take it out and there were NO DAMN PANTS!!!!
I lost my mind----here it is 11:00 at night and my son has no pants and all the stores are closed.....I am heated and I want to fight!!!
Needless to say, I had a 45.00 1/2 suit for a damn 2 year old, that he could not wear---all because this bitch---yes, I am still mad---slipped up on her pimpin' at work...Tell me how the hell you forget to put the pants back on the hanger---was it my job to check to make sure she put the suit back together? I gave it to her as a suit; it clearly has on the jacket 2 PIECE SUIT---she slipped...
Now, I am going their today, after work, peaceful--but if they even suggest some craziness, I am going to do just that---GET-DA-F*CK-CRAZY!!!!
So Sears, just know that I am coming and you better watch out!!!!!!!!!!!
Here I am, Easter Shopping, in the Deptford Mall for my three children----Two boys and one girl....Ladies, you already know that when you are shopping with three of your own children and two of someone else's children...That is a disaster!!!!
I am in Sears trying on a suit jacket for my 2 year old son, he wanted to run and play and laugh and fall out---trust, I am not in the mood for that---I have been out shopping long enough and I am ready to go....When I notice, this lady, watching me and on her walkie-talkie saying something----now automatically, I thought this whench was talking about me...I said not today lady not today...She just looks
I put the suit jacket on the baby (a size 4 for a 2 year old) it fit because he is tall---the pants a little long. I put the pants back on the hanger, put the jacket back---give the suit to my mom so she can ring it up---yes, I was ghetto!!! My mom was in line (she was next) and I was last (the line was long)...
I saw the people looking and at this moment I was looking right back at them like say something---I want you to...
When my mom gets to the counter you can tell the lady had an attitude (because I jumped line sort of speak--but not really because we where together---honestly, I was dead wrong---I hate people who do that, oh well)....she actually unbuttons the suit jacket, take the pants off (of course she was checking to make sure that the pants were a size 4 as well as the jacket, us black people will change the suit jacket and pants up, quick) then she says there is no price on this, the baby starts running, I go after him, I said mom, the suits are right here, then I hear never mind, and the suit is wrapped up and we leave the store...
About 11:00 pm, NO it was exactly 11:00 pm Saturday night, I start to take the clothes out for Church...I take my daughter's 80.00 dress out(I think that was ridiculous but the dress was absolutely gorgeous) hung that up, take her shoes out, her stockings etc....take my oldest son's suit out and etc....I get to the baby's suit, take it out and there were NO DAMN PANTS!!!!
I lost my mind----here it is 11:00 at night and my son has no pants and all the stores are closed.....I am heated and I want to fight!!!
Needless to say, I had a 45.00 1/2 suit for a damn 2 year old, that he could not wear---all because this bitch---yes, I am still mad---slipped up on her pimpin' at work...Tell me how the hell you forget to put the pants back on the hanger---was it my job to check to make sure she put the suit back together? I gave it to her as a suit; it clearly has on the jacket 2 PIECE SUIT---she slipped...
Now, I am going their today, after work, peaceful--but if they even suggest some craziness, I am going to do just that---GET-DA-F*CK-CRAZY!!!!
So Sears, just know that I am coming and you better watch out!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, April 6, 2007
....Where Do we Go From Here
"HE" is my friend and "HE" is my lover
Where Do we go from here?
"HE" is my ray of sunshine when I am down
"HE" is my cup of coffee in the morning
Where do we go from here?
I complained, I cried, I worried, I searched for "HE"
One day "HE" came---I mean really came!!
Where do we go from here
Now that "HE" is here, do I really want this,
Do I really want HE as a part of ME?
Where do we go from here.
My mind is blown from the long talks,
My body is worn from the lovemaking all night long
I think, silently, in my mind,
In the morning "HE" will be gone.
Where do we go from here.
The birds are chirping,
The sun rays are pouring in,
The baby is whining,
And the two older ones are shouting!!
Mom, Mom, she did this, he did that
All this before the alarm rings
I think in to myself
Where do we go from here
Beep, Beep, Beep, damn is it that time,
My alarm is ringing,my children are screaming
And then I hear "Get up baby, time for work"
Then I remember--Last night
Damn,"HE" is still here
Could this be that "HE" is really for me
Tell me, Where do we go from Here
Where Do we go from here?
"HE" is my ray of sunshine when I am down
"HE" is my cup of coffee in the morning
Where do we go from here?
I complained, I cried, I worried, I searched for "HE"
One day "HE" came---I mean really came!!
Where do we go from here
Now that "HE" is here, do I really want this,
Do I really want HE as a part of ME?
Where do we go from here.
My mind is blown from the long talks,
My body is worn from the lovemaking all night long
I think, silently, in my mind,
In the morning "HE" will be gone.
Where do we go from here.
The birds are chirping,
The sun rays are pouring in,
The baby is whining,
And the two older ones are shouting!!
Mom, Mom, she did this, he did that
All this before the alarm rings
I think in to myself
Where do we go from here
Beep, Beep, Beep, damn is it that time,
My alarm is ringing,my children are screaming
And then I hear "Get up baby, time for work"
Then I remember--Last night
Damn,"HE" is still here
Could this be that "HE" is really for me
Tell me, Where do we go from Here
Friday, March 30, 2007
Baby Daddy's Drama......
All this drama because I do not want to be with you... Are you for real...Men talk about having "Baby Momma Drama" I have "Baby Daddy Drama"...
I despise the fact that he can actually thinks he can dictate to me what he is going to do and what he is not going to do... check this....We lived together for 4 years...there was nothing but lying, cheating, stealing (yes I said it stealing from me, his own baby boy, and my mother)...this man was no good and I saw the signs...but like every immature woman,I thought I could change him---Ladies, you can't they are who they are!!! When I finally decided I had had enough I told him you got to roll---Mind you this was in August of 2006....I only asked that he pay one thing, which is also court ordered and that was to pay daycare (180.00 bi-weekly)...do you know until this day I have not received a dime. Right now, the baby has been spending the weeks with him (since he STILL is not working) and I go get him every other weekend to let him know I am going to continue to do my part..for the last past 3 weekends in a row I have went to Philly (of course he has no car--never did--always drove mine--) to pick up my son and spend time with him....
Now this is my weekend to relax w/o any children because I do have two more. Since he knows this and can not stand the fact that someone else might be there, all of a sudden he is now working every weekend , he has this new job and he only works on the weekends...so this every other weekend thing has to stop--as he says and I am bringing the baby back---cool do you have daycare money, I say--I am working on it---well you can not bring him back until you can afford to put him back in daycare.---(Yall he don't have it!!!!!)
Why did I say that, this man tripped on me, called me all kinds of names and I am not this and I am not that, his family will do this and his family will do that, bury myself in the whole that I have dug---all this craziness early in the morning.... Now I am thinking I know this NUCCA just did not call me out me name early this morning...After all that I have done for you and put up with, it all came back....
I finally, had enough....as Mary J Blige would say "I held my tongue for too long, I can't do it no more" all of 4 years released on that ass!!!!!!! I ripped him a new ass from the beginning of our relationship until this very morning...
For once, in my life I stood up! I spoke my mind and let go, and I know right at this very moment his mouth is hitting the freaking floor--stunned--can't believe what I just said---Good!!!! I have had Enough, I dealt with too much for too long---IT IS OVER!!!!!
Sitting back and learning who I am made me realize regardless of what he said to me it was how he treated me that let me know that it wasn't really love---and once I realized that I let go.
I tried to remain friendly and peaceful but he kept pushing and pushing and pushing until I finally pushed back----
You would think that it would be the mother tripping'---naw not this time----it was the daddy tripping---Baby Daddy's Drama....
I despise the fact that he can actually thinks he can dictate to me what he is going to do and what he is not going to do... check this....We lived together for 4 years...there was nothing but lying, cheating, stealing (yes I said it stealing from me, his own baby boy, and my mother)...this man was no good and I saw the signs...but like every immature woman,I thought I could change him---Ladies, you can't they are who they are!!! When I finally decided I had had enough I told him you got to roll---Mind you this was in August of 2006....I only asked that he pay one thing, which is also court ordered and that was to pay daycare (180.00 bi-weekly)...do you know until this day I have not received a dime. Right now, the baby has been spending the weeks with him (since he STILL is not working) and I go get him every other weekend to let him know I am going to continue to do my part..for the last past 3 weekends in a row I have went to Philly (of course he has no car--never did--always drove mine--) to pick up my son and spend time with him....
Now this is my weekend to relax w/o any children because I do have two more. Since he knows this and can not stand the fact that someone else might be there, all of a sudden he is now working every weekend , he has this new job and he only works on the weekends...so this every other weekend thing has to stop--as he says and I am bringing the baby back---cool do you have daycare money, I say--I am working on it---well you can not bring him back until you can afford to put him back in daycare.---(Yall he don't have it!!!!!)
Why did I say that, this man tripped on me, called me all kinds of names and I am not this and I am not that, his family will do this and his family will do that, bury myself in the whole that I have dug---all this craziness early in the morning.... Now I am thinking I know this NUCCA just did not call me out me name early this morning...After all that I have done for you and put up with, it all came back....
I finally, had enough....as Mary J Blige would say "I held my tongue for too long, I can't do it no more" all of 4 years released on that ass!!!!!!! I ripped him a new ass from the beginning of our relationship until this very morning...
For once, in my life I stood up! I spoke my mind and let go, and I know right at this very moment his mouth is hitting the freaking floor--stunned--can't believe what I just said---Good!!!! I have had Enough, I dealt with too much for too long---IT IS OVER!!!!!
Sitting back and learning who I am made me realize regardless of what he said to me it was how he treated me that let me know that it wasn't really love---and once I realized that I let go.
I tried to remain friendly and peaceful but he kept pushing and pushing and pushing until I finally pushed back----
You would think that it would be the mother tripping'---naw not this time----it was the daddy tripping---Baby Daddy's Drama....
Monday, March 26, 2007
This is how it all went down.....
Well, after my last entry there were more......in total we had approximately 4 or 5 people lose their jobs on Friday....I was so sick about it I had to leave, my stomach was in knots and I was nervous....My review went wonderful but I am not apart of the "Work Crew" so I think that my GM has it out for me....don't know if the "Party" is over but I am now prepared.....I have decided if it is my time to go then so be it...I will return to school and continue to work on my nursing degree....it would actually be a blessing in disguise!
Friday, March 23, 2007
Damn, Damn, Damn..............
....I have just discovered that my job is doing some serious layoffs--seniority does not even matter! This lady a 3 year employee has just been laid off--No warning just let go in the middle of the day....that is jacked up. She is 60 years old! Where is she going to find another job and she is not old enough to collect social security.....How they did it was foul .....Her severance pay is to pay her for the rest of the day.....she was let go at 1:30; her work day ends at 4:30---WOW!!!!!! They were wonderful to her....Am I next??????
Falling for Hip-Hop
I know I have tripped......I am in a situationn right now that I can not believe I allowed myself to be in....what was I thinking......Obviously I wasn't.....Could we have created something so grand but because the timing is wrong we have to let it go.....I can't seem to let go, I know it is the right thing to do but HE is my Hip-Hop and I think that I am starting to enjoy it...never knew I had a thing for Hip-Hop....
The 3 worded lines that are shouted out daily puts a smile on my face and a thought in my head...is he talking about me....the best love of his life.....Hip Hop is really sounding good to me...never knew I liked Hip-Hop....nah Hip-Hop is not for me...I like R&B---smooth, mellow, soothing, and calming....But for some Reason I have taking a liking to Hip-Hop......I think...no...the lines hit me again..."6'1" dark and lovely they say i'm black and beautiful it's true no phoney i'm browner than Larry so won't you bee my tenderoni."...Hip-Hop is really trying to get my attention.....then I realized I am falling for Hip-Hop..............
The 3 worded lines that are shouted out daily puts a smile on my face and a thought in my head...is he talking about me....the best love of his life.....Hip Hop is really sounding good to me...never knew I liked Hip-Hop....nah Hip-Hop is not for me...I like R&B---smooth, mellow, soothing, and calming....But for some Reason I have taking a liking to Hip-Hop......I think...no...the lines hit me again..."6'1" dark and lovely they say i'm black and beautiful it's true no phoney i'm browner than Larry so won't you bee my tenderoni."...Hip-Hop is really trying to get my attention.....then I realized I am falling for Hip-Hop..............
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